Perfectly Imperfect.

As time passes and I grow older I have come to love and accept myself a little more than I did in my teens or early twenties.
I didn't realise that I was beautiful so I branded myself ugly and that soured my relationship with myself alot.
Its been a long tiring and enlightening journey into loving myself and loving my appearance. I may not have the smoothest spot free face, the whitest and straightest teeth, the perfect body or the most beautiful toenails (God knows that I still struggle with my toenails coz I still chuck them) but I have a beautiful face, an amazing smile that I have come to love and covet as my best asset, a body that many envy, beautiful nails on my fingers and I do not need to pull a vera  sidika because Im light skinned naturally and I have come to accept that too.
I celebrate myself for the far that I have come and Thank God for the far He has brought me and the journey ahead.
I am flawed
I make mistakes
And Im a bitch sometimes
But then Im beautifully flawed and broken,
Stitched together with good intentions.
Im by no means faultless, no one is
But I have learnt to embrace faults and flaws
To rise above my imperfections
To be me
To love myself
To know that even the world is not perfect bit in its imperfections, that's where we find its beauty.
Im broken
Flawed
Imperfect.
Im a beautiful disaster
Perfectly Imperfect
And that's just me
Who I am
Who I will always be.

Quote: Maybe there is something you are afraid to do or somewhere you are afraid to go or someone you are afraid to love. Its gonna hurt. Its gonna hurt because it matters.
--John Green.

Try | Pink

Xoxo.

I Fooled Myself.

Because back then when I loved you
Waking up to your face
The smell of you the only air in the room
I loved you
But now Im torn
Rejection the only feeling I know
You smiled at me and I fooled myself
You kissed me and I melted down
You held me and I fell for you
You "Loved" me and I loved you more
And then you said to jump
You would catch me
I fooled myself
And I jumped
And broke
Mingling with the dust
The sound of your laughter ringing in my ears
And I knew that this all was a game
To you
I fooled myself into loving you
I was just a girl looking to love and be loved
Yet you,
You lied, You fooled me.

Quote: Your first kiss was your kiss goodbye - You give love a bad name.
.... Bon Jovi.

You Give Love A Bad Name | Bon Jovi.

Xoxo.

Ps: Up by Oly Murs is on repeat coz I can't stop loving it!! Have a listen you'll be amazed...

Words on Skin.

He tells me the story of his love for me
With his fingers and lips
Writing a love letter on my skin
In places a pen would never write
But his fingers and lips easily do
I try to match his writing on his skin with my own
My words are incomplete
Incomprehensible
Because as he writes his story,
Im reading it
And I've never been good at multitasking
So I let him write first
His fingers going first
Followed by his lips
Every letter he writes makes me squirm
I moan because of the tenderness with which he writes
I don't want him to stop
I ache for him to change his pen
I know a paper where it can write beautifully
Words which we will read together
Its like he reads my thoughts
Coz then I feel his fingers give way to his lips
And his lips give way to the right pen
And as the pen moves on writing this beautiful love letter of his to me,
I move with it
Reading every word
Drowning in the words' sweetness
Honey has nothing on this mans words
Im lost in his words,
Reading a little too fast now
Almost getting to the end of this lovely letter
I cry out when he writes too fast
Pressing his pen to the paper a little too much
His words become short
Written in quick succession
The end lurking nearby
Waiting for my next move
Torturing me
I hate coming to the end of his love letters
But when he presses his pen onto the paper one more time and just holds it there,
I know its the end
I shatter, loving how his letters end
His fingers sign out,
Leaving my skin all sensitive
Full of his unspoken words
I tremble as he lifts his pen off the paper
Still lost in his words
Falling for him a little more than before....

Quote: If sex is the question, then the answer is yes.

Thinking Out Loud | Ed Sheeran.

Xoxo

A Man and Trouble...

The night is here and Im alone
I want to believe that you will come
To give me company and hold me close
And love me till I fall asleep

I look at your side
I miss you much
I wish you were here I see your face
To hear your sleepy voice say you love me
To hear your heart beat as you sleep
To love me till I fall asleep

I fall asleep thinking of you
My sleep is not good at all
I dream of things I fear
I wake up to your empty side
I hate it that you are not here
To love me till I fall asleep

I'll lie awake as I can't sleep
I'll wait for you to get home soon
I know you will come back to me
Im praying hard you find your way to me
Im sorry I was such a bitch
Im sorry I made you leave
Just come home to me my love
To love me till I fall asleep

The thought of losing you is killing me
I cannot stand another minute away from you
I cannot live without you babe
There's a million reasons why you should let me go
Id understand but broken into a million pieces
A piece for a reason
But babe Im coming to you
Im coming right where you are
To say that Im sorry and please take me back
And Im hoping you'll understand
Maybe forgive me
Im coming to you to take you home with me
Im coming to love you till you sleep...

Quote: The things two people do to each other they remember. If they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive.

The Heart Wants What It Wants | Selena Gomez.

Xoxo ...

Say something, ANYTHING.

Say something,
Anything
Im losing hope
That silence
That awkwardness
Say something,
Anything
So I know
How to feel
How to hope
Coz that silence
Will be the end of me
Say something,
Anything
Not that you love me
Though that's what I want to hear
Not that you miss me
Though that would restore my hope
Not that you're lost without me
Though I hope you are
Not that your nights are cold
Though I hope they are ice cold
Not that your life has no meaning anymore
Just like mine
Though I hope it has lost all meaning
Not that you forgive me
Though that would be music to me
I would dance to it forever
Not that you want me back yet
Id sing you a song if it was that
Even though we both know I croak instead of singing
Not anything sweet
Or comforting
Or regretful
Or forgiving
Say I was wrong
That I made a mistake
That I was stupid
Say what you feel
Let your anger out
Hate me now if you must
Call me names
Crucificy me with words
But don't go
Don't leave me
Im weak and you're my strength
Im dumb and you're my knowledge
Im lost and you're my compass
Im blind and you're my sight
Im thirsty and you're my water
Im hungry and you're my food
Im in pain and you're my relief
Im empty and you're my fill
Im in darkness and you're my light
So say something,
Anything
Just don't let me loose.

Quote: A man who can put on a condom in the dark is ready to be a father.
             - Bikozulu.

Lazizi | Sauti Sol.

Xoxo.

A Love Story...

He is not handsome
Not the type I give my number to anyway,
And nothing is soo eyecatching about him
Maybe his smile, it has a little potential...
Or his smile.... His really cute smile
The light it brings to his eyes...
Then I think that maybe its his charm
The pure boyish charm that he wears with pride,
That same charm I fall for everytime,
Again and again, though not with him...
Or mAybe its his voice?
His jacket?
His confidence?
So yes, not the type I look at twice, that's a waste of sight...
Then he laughs
And cocks his head to me
Looking straight into my eyes heavy with alcohol from yesterday, today and last week,
I feel like he is reading my mind
I would lower my eyes but then he has me entranced, locked...
On his eyes, on him
I laugh when he looks away,
He laughs and for a moment Im lost in his laughter
But still he is not the type I look at twice or give my number to anyway....
What's better than a laugh at the end of a long night of heavy drinking to keep the hangover at bay, right?
So I laugh along
Until my bestfriend disappears with his bestfriend
And she is too busy to tell him her number, the one he was to take for his friend coz his phone is off and my phone is off and i just can't remember whether the last three numbers of her phone are 768 or 678 so then he asks me to give him mine so i can send him her number when my head clears....
My first thought is no.
But then my bestfriend likes his friend and I owe her this one little favour
And I have nothing to lose
So I laugh as I tap out my number
Eager to get home
Eager for my bed
Eager to put my heavy head down
It was nice meeting you, he says
I smile and hurry to the cab
Eager to get away from him
From that smile
From that charm
And as my head hits my pillow and my thoughts turn in for afew hours of sleep,
I don't think about him
Coz he is not the type of guy I look at twice or give my number to....
I wake up to the ringing of a phone
Annoyed to be woken up so quickly
But then its evident the sun is out
An afternoon sun
And a strange number flashes on my phone
Im blank as I answer it
The voice unfamiliar
Sleep on my mind
Wait, I know the name
I smile
He called
Even though he is not the type of guy I look at twice or give my number to.
He wants to have coffee sometime
Maybe dinner
Tonight? No Im still hungover...
Tomorrow?
Maybe | yes
Yes I say
It's a date. He says
I smile.
Our first date
Yet,
He is still not the type of guy I look at twice or give my number to.

Quote: Let nothing come between you and your hearts desires. Because what the heart wants,it gets.

Walk Away | The Script.

Xoxo.

Rooftop at 3:05am :-)

Outside
In the cold
In the quick
Your girl in your bed
Your hands on me
Your man in me
Doing me
Deep
Your girl in your bed
You moving in me
Hard skin
Lips locked
Heights reached
Moans of desire
Groans of satisfaction
Bodies locked
Your girl in your bed
I squeeze
Hardness in me
Desire pooling
Desire shattering
Fluids mingle
Heaven is reached
So sweet a place
So guilty the pleasure
Your girl in your bed
Im stealing her pleasure....

Quote: forbidden fruit is always sweetest....

Happily Never After | PussyCat Dolls.

Xoxo.

Random thoughts 1...

The thought of him
With another girl
Who is not me
Pisses me off
Makes me want to fight
For him
For us
But is it worth it?
Is he worth it?

Quote: As a snake sheds its skin so we must shed our past again and again and again -- Dalai Lama.

Bottle it up | Sara Barreiles.

Xoxo.

Give Me Words

How do I say this?
Put in words the tortures of my soul
The pains of my broken heart
The shame of your rejection
The nightmare that has become you?
How do I tell them that you aint true
That your language
And your commitments
Just never cross?
That your truths are your lies
Your apologies are your personality
And your words might well be meaningless
Just as your heart is empty
And your blood is vile
Poisoned by your lust?
Contaminated with your evil.
Give me words so I can tell
The feelings bottled up in me
The thoughts I never speak out loud
The actions I never show
Give me words that I may tell
Of your selfishness
That I may warn those who come after me
Not to fall for your lies
For your charm
Or for your words
Give me words that I may tell the world
That love for you is inexistent
And you love no one else but yourself....
Give me words that I may put in writing
The worst of you
.....

Quote: Beware of a patient mans fury.

High | James Blunt.

xoxo.

I just don't know...

I just dont know if watching Archer while high is a wise decision or is impairing my funny levels. I am finding it incredibly funny and thats a first since Family Guy & Boondocks.

I just dont know if me pushing away everyone I love is a good way of dealing with the world outside. Its a great mechanism of coping with myself too...

I just dont know if falling for someone I know does not have the will catch me before I hit the cold hard floor is wise. But I love him... Too much than I should. And is it weird that he is the one I dream of? The perfect man, the perfect father. The perfect husband.

And as if my world is not crazy enough, I just dont know if wanting to get laid for a few hours everyday of the week translates to a sex addict...?

I just dont know and care about what the world presumes me to be. Im living my life and loving it though not totally.

Quote: I just dont know. Lol. It just had to be that one!

Give me Love | Ed Sheeran
Confessions | Usher.

Xoxo.

I Pour out...

My Life:

Is really great right now. Im back to school; loving it and having an awesome time. I think im also learning to grow up and be myself. My little frienships are working out fine. So far two of those friendships are awesome :-):-):-)

Really fuckd up:

The thing I like abt school again is not abt classes and all. Its just because Im glad to be away. Clear indication of how misplaced my priorities are.
Im growing old. My friend had her other side of young twenties birthday the other day and I dont know how her getting old can have such an effect on me. Wah....
Im learning to appreciate my friends and good peoples deeds to me a little too late in my life. Ive lost out on the good guys because of my foolishness and mistaking good for suspicious.
Why did I ever think I could live without my mother? Yeah coz I cant.
I should start using punctuation marks in my writing.

Love life:

Too shity. Wah.... Where to start?
Thats how bad this is. I am talking to my ex who is awesome except that he is of a different religion. I dont understand how he wont get past that.
I need to get laid and settled now.... Where I dnt just want a fling, I want a serious relationship with kids and diapers, family sundays etc.
Just when I am enjoying life and it gets too fckn serious.

General:

I am in my mid life crisis stage of my life. Il get out of it real soon and have an awesome life. And again? Why too serious? Hahaha....

Quote: Its never that serious.

Sura Yako | Sauti Sol.