To Growing Old... & Happy Birthday To me.

I do not wish to reminisce on the past twenty something years of my life as having been anything but extra ordinary because that is what they have been. How I wish I could say Im turning 21 but Nah, we all know that that's a lame attempt at trying to convince myself that I need to finally start acting like a grown up.

I need to finally start acting like a grown up. That line has hit me in all the wrong places. Is it wrong if I want to bring out the child locked deep inside the maze that's me? I don't think so.

I will not wish that I am any younger than I really Am. That's not going to work because even if I lie to myself my ID will always expose me and be the sour reminder  that I am not a very good liar. Therefore even though Im not going to publicly declare my age, (heck, I almost wrote wealth instead of age) I will not lie to myself that I am not growing older at a rate I wish would slow down and just let me enjoy being a youngster!!!

I will also not sit here writing about the things I dreamt of doing and haven't done or that sort of cliche stuff people like to talk about. Or the babies I should have had by now so I can concentrate on making a life for us. No.

I will also not write about all the wrong places I have been or the mistakes I have made. I refuse to go along that dirty sympathetic road that many will remind me of once 27th January comes along.

Instead I choose to write not about those dreams I harbour in my head in the hopes that someday they just might stop being elusive and come true but to write of what I will have done to achieve them.

I will write not of those places I wish to go but of how I already went there and had fuuuuuun!!!!

I will write not of the kind of friends I want in my life. Instead I will write of those friends I have in my life and Im grateful for.

I will not write of how bad my life is, but instead of how each day is an awesome or failed adventure and what has come out of it.

I will not write of all the lies I have promised myself to do in the last few years of my life or those past memories I wish I would relive. Or those friends I wish would have stuck around or that great dude I had great sex with and then he left me for my friend.

I choose to write about life as it is, to live with no regrets at all and to write of my achievements not of my wishes.

So as I grow a year older I choose to be me, to live life AsI want and to keep the friends that mean something and let go of those who want to leave.

As I grow a year older I choose to take risks and live life fully.
As I grow a year older I choose to be happy no matter what.

As I grow older I choose to love and to laugh, to give and to forget and without expecting anything in return, to let go of the past hurts and heal, to keep going even when its hard to see ahead and to be a better me without leaving myself behind.

Cheers to me for growing older. Happy birthday to me!!

Quote: Forgiveness does not change the past. It enlarges the future.

Happy birthday song

Sura Yako | Sauti Sol.

Xoxo.

Give Me Words

How do I say this?
Put in words the tortures of my soul
The pains of my broken heart
The shame of your rejection
The nightmare that has become you?
How do I tell them that you aint true
That your language
And your commitments
Just never cross?
That your truths are your lies
Your apologies are your personality
And your words might well be meaningless
Just as your heart is empty
And your blood is vile
Poisoned by your lust?
Contaminated with your evil.
Give me words so I can tell
The feelings bottled up in me
The thoughts I never speak out loud
The actions I never show
Give me words that I may tell
Of your selfishness
That I may warn those who come after me
Not to fall for your lies
For your charm
Or for your words
Give me words that I may tell the world
That love for you is inexistent
And you love no one else but yourself....
Give me words that I may put in writing
The worst of you
.....

Quote: Beware of a patient mans fury.

High | James Blunt.

xoxo.

I just don't know...

I just dont know if watching Archer while high is a wise decision or is impairing my funny levels. I am finding it incredibly funny and thats a first since Family Guy & Boondocks.

I just dont know if me pushing away everyone I love is a good way of dealing with the world outside. Its a great mechanism of coping with myself too...

I just dont know if falling for someone I know does not have the will catch me before I hit the cold hard floor is wise. But I love him... Too much than I should. And is it weird that he is the one I dream of? The perfect man, the perfect father. The perfect husband.

And as if my world is not crazy enough, I just dont know if wanting to get laid for a few hours everyday of the week translates to a sex addict...?

I just dont know and care about what the world presumes me to be. Im living my life and loving it though not totally.

Quote: I just dont know. Lol. It just had to be that one!

Give me Love | Ed Sheeran
Confessions | Usher.

Xoxo.

At the moment:...

Im living life with the following in mind:

Live life to the fullest, but be wise about choice;
never regret what you've done, but learn from it;
never stop improving yourself, you learn everyday;
Love what you do and have fun doing it;
Remember the past, but live for now;
And importantly, there is no time like NOW.

THOSE are the words of Stober who played club football for Santos, Hellenic and Orlando Pirates and was a goal scorer of note.
He retired at the height of his success as a result of injury.
He did not allow the setback to deter him and he has got on with life.
He is a golfer of note now and taking on challenges wherever he can find them. Like skydiving.

Ps: I am at that stage where I want to take control of my life and be responsible.

Quote: when the going gets tough, the tough get going...

Sand in my shoes | Dido

Xoxo.