Its easy for someone to get bullied by their peers at school, at the playground and anywhere where parents are not there to protect their children. This is simply the most known form of bullying and it has negative effects on the bullied person.
But what about when the bully is the person who is supposed to unconditionally protect that child, instill in them a feeling of belonging, make them feel like they are the luckiest kids in the world?
What about when the bully is the parent to this kid?
Parents bullying their children is very common. Waaaaaay common than the society cares to admit. It comes in the form of aggrressive parenting.
Bullying by parents I believe comes with more serious consequences for the kid being bullied. This is because its done by someone they love and who ought to love them too.
As a child, my mother beat me up pretty much. I could do something normal for any kid like stay out past normal play time and that wld guarantee a thorough beating with a belt.
Or I would say something that would not please her and that any other person would take to be just a stupid remark and a beating would be imminent.
Most of the time it was for something so minute which could have been resolved with just a pinch but a belt was always used. When a belt was not deemed to impact the right amount of pain, blows followed.
I remember thinking my mother hated me so much but I never voiced those thoughts for fear of what would follow.
I grew up not confident enough to be a child like my fellow playmates because most of the time I was worrying about what I was supposed to do to please my mother so that she would stop beating me up.
Dont get me wrong, I lacked nothing. I wore the best clothes among my peers, had all the text books needed in school, went to the best schools and had the occasional holiday which my friends envied me about.
The beatings continued well into my college years and they had a lasting impact on me.
* I believe these beatings made me see myself as not good enough. Because no matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough.
* My self esteem was dropped so low trying to build it up is proving hard.
* Confidence issues.
* Trust issues.
* Fear.
*Intimidation. When am genuinely happy she will always find a way to ruin it for me.
Today my mother does not beat me up but she does not believe it when she hears a theory that the above may make a person turn out to be quiet and keep their opinions to themselves and hold themselves back because of the impact from their past.
Today, we have a somewhat good relationship. She wants me to be able to tell her stuff but then she still bullies me.
Her bullying comes in different forms:
* Shouting at me for no reason at all. I will do something as insignificant as light a bulb in the kitchen for a few seconds to pick something and she wilk shout telling me how I only know how to do the wrong things because I do not know their cost.
*Putting me down infront of people. She will say something totally downgrading about me or at me or do something equally as bad.
*False accusations. These have been many. Moving something from where it was, not doing sonething blah blah.
*Selfishness and meanness. She wont let me do anything I want because she has a lame excuse. I recently asked to visit my friends for a few days but she said no because she didnt want to be home alone. Or The times I cant do anything like use my phone because she feels im not paying her enough attention.
She is down right mean at times and this terribly hurts.
* Insults. Its not once or twice or thrice that she has called me names. Iv been everything from dumb to hypocritical to things I wont mention.
I feel like im paying for the mistakes someone else committed because I have discovered that she is very angry inside. There are regrets in her that make her put me down inorder for her to feel good about herself.
I hope to be a mother one day and I will try and be my childrens best friend. I believe dialogue goes a long way in solving mistakes and making a kid see that something is wrong and should not be repeated.
I hope to raise my kids to be what I am not yet. Confident, self assured, happy and open minded. I want my children to be normal children doing all the things normal children do without fear of a belt.
I hope one day I will be confident, independent, happy and without any pent up resentment.
I hope one day I will have a relationship with my mother where I will be genuinely thrilled to be around her, tell her stuff Bout myself without her saying something in negative about it.
For now, I am stopping trying to seek approval from her and breaking away from her.
Quote: You become what you hate so its better to just let it be and be happy.
Revolution | Tracy Chapman.
